i need a break from everything, the things that keep bringing me down. and i need to learn how to cope with stupid shit in a better way, because what i'm doing now is not cutting it. when you think you've learned an extremely important lesson in your life, and you realize what you did and feel accomplished for learning something from it, you get hit by another lesson, one just as bad that sort of teaches you that you're never going to live a life without problems or complications. and recently i've been dealing with these problems the wrong way, with momentary escapes from these situations that i know aren't going to fix anything. i'm realizing this now, not for the first time, or even the second. i've realized this over and over again, and i can't seem to understand what i'm doing, until now. it's hard to admit that you're feeling weak or feeling low, the point where you just want everything to pause. but i admit it, i've been feeling pretty low, putting up the front of all fronts for the longest time. i just need a break, from everything. i live my life the way i want to live it, and i watch myself, evaluate what i do and see how i'm doing. i always told myself that if i see myself falling, if i see that what i'm doing isn't right something needs to change, and i've come to realize that maybe it's time for me to change. but to what? who knows. just change. i need to take care of a lot of stuff, with friendships especially, fixing them or cutting them completely off. it's all that negative shit that's bringing me down and i really don't need that right now. i admit i have my faults in that, and i'm sorry. that's all i can say. so with that said, i'm gonna do what i have to do without the fronting, just all real shit. let's try it, and see what lessons this path will teach me.
-leonard.
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baby, just imagine the advice you'd give me if i were in your situation, and take that advice. pain is inevitable, as with change, but suffering is optional. just remember that life goes on, and even though we make wrong decisions, we have to learn from them. if you keep doing what you've always done, you're gonna keep getting what you'ge always gotten, right? don't expect people to change. the only thing you can do is have faith in yourself that you can change for the better. don't waste your time waiting for someone else to change, because most of the time, people don't do the things you expect them to. learn from the past to change the future. you have to ask yourself, are you scared of the past? or are you scared of the future? if you're scared of the past, you shouldn't be. don't get caught up in things that have already happened. just focus on what needs to be done in the days/months/years to come. and if you're scared of the future, you shouldn't be. don't be afraid to take chances, because you never know the little miracles in every day. i know you already know everything that i'm telling you, but even though you know it, you have to apply it. we haven't talked much since i got back from vegas, but i'm sure i'll end up saying the same things when we do talk. just know that i love you, and i'll see you soon, bro.
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