i'm in love

with music. and i can truly say that with all of my heart and soul, that music is my passion.

since today was the day that i did my speech, which was all about music, i've realized how much i really do take it to heart. it's always been there, through everything. and as corny as it may sound, it's been there since the beginning, guiding me as my life goes on. i don't know, recently i've been really motivated to sing, and i've realized that i sing EVERYDAY for hours at a time, anytime that i'm not doing anything special. it's always there, music just wants to come out of me. i guess me being in choir now, practices on tuesdays and singing on sundays has made my love for music grow even more, and it's moving me into a different part of my life, steering me away from things that might harm my potential. it's really a natural high for me, a high so different from what i've experienced before, a feeling that makes me feel pure and clean. i think with this passion in mind, it could really change me, in a good way of course. i'm gonna stick with what i'm doing now, keeping music as one of my top priorities and see where it'll take me. so nowwwww, i thought i'd share my speech, more or less of what i did this morning, without the minor hiccups and nerves that came along with it =) here it is!

(i had a poster board with a staff, time/key signature, and notes on it)

First, i sang "A Song For You" by Donnie Hathaway, just a quick snippet, then started like this:

Music. Whether it's me singing in the shower for what seems like hours, or back in middle school and high school when i used to play instruments in the school band, or even way back in the day when i used to listen to tunes in the back seat of my parents car, music has always been a part of my life. So when we were assigned this task to find something to symbolize ourselves and our lives, i couldn't think of a better symbol than my passion in life - music. But today i'm not going to talk to you guys about the music that we simply hear on the radio or live singers or bands playing at a club. Instead, i'm going to break down music back to it's basics, how it's written on paper and how it's actually created.

The first symbol that i chose to represent my life is the music staff. In music the staff is the base of all things where all the other elements of music can be found. Without it, it would be pretty hard for any musician to read the notes correctly and accurately. For this reason, i chose the staff to represent... my family. In my life, i like to view my family as the base of all things, the foundation that has allowed me to become who i am today as a person and as a whole. Just as a staff provides a solid structure for notes to create music, my family has provided me with a solid base to build my life upon. They've taught me valuable lessons through their hard work ethics, love, and care, gifts that i will be forever be thankful for for giving to me.

With the staff now in place, other elements of music can be placed on it, which leads me to my next symbols, the time signature and key signature. In music, the time and key signature determine the feel of the music and the notes that it plays, otherwise known as the key. You can think of it sort of being a teacher like figure, telling what notes to be played next and what beat it should lie one. Because of the way the time and key signature controls what the music will sound like, i used it to symbolize myself. In my life, and just as i would imagine other people view their own lives, I like to be the one in control, the one who sets the pace and tone of my life. Some days i would be up and ready to do things, like a steady beat of a march, while other days are more relaxed and soothing, like the laid back feel of the slow waltz. Just as I am in control with my attitdude towards life, the time and key signature determines what mood will be set by the music, which makes these two elements a perfect symbol of me.

Now, with the staff, time signature, and key signature in place music can be created, which leads me to my last symbol, the music notes. The music notes are what makes the sound, and group together they produce what we hear as music. Some may be high, some low, some long or short, while others are fast or slow. Because of the great range of what music notes are capable of being, i related this music element to the experiences i've had in my life and the relationships that i've made with people. Just in the 18 years of my life so far, i've experienced a lot of things that has made me into who i am today. These events can range from the great, happy times, which produces a note that is high and lively, kind of like a theme song that comes on when a super hero appears in a movie, while others are not so great, producing a more sad toned piece that brings out the lower tones in music. It's this whole idea of music notes being so unpredictable that made me relate it to my life. You never know what notes will come next, whether it will be a high one or a low one, whether it'll last for a couple beats or just die out after a sound has been made. All you can really do is learn from it after it's been played to help you prepare for the next note, whatever note that my be.

So all together, the staff, time and key signature, and music notes create music, which ultimately symbolized my life. None of these elements would be able to work without each other, just as i wouldn't be able to be who i am without my family, friends, and experiences that i've gone through. Now i can truly say that music is and will forever be found in my life, and that my life can and will forever be found in music.

<3 leonard.

despite this crappy weather,

things are looking up. slowly, but surely. it's a temporary thing, sacrifices have to be made in order to make things better. is it coldhearted? not at all. you gotta do what you gotta do, and maybe in the end things'll line up and be better than how things used to be.

with that being said, lent is coming up and i got a lot of things in mind of giving up. this whole college lifestyle has caught up with me, REALLY noticing the distractions outside of school that can affect you while you're in school. let's cut some things out of my life for 40 days + 40 nights, things that will make me into a better leonard kevin gonda mothereffin mendoza. time to test myself and give up what i love doing, but shouldn't be doing. let's give it a shot.

things to do:

1. work
2. school
3. school work
4. choir practice
   
5. give up my list of things to give up for lent
   
6. reah's cotti practice
7. fuz maybe, with lent in mind
   
8. work things out with the world
   

much <3,
leonard.

p.s. thanks for understanding, and i really hope that you do.

breaking point.

i need a break from everything, the things that keep bringing me down. and i need to learn how to cope with stupid shit in a better way, because what i'm doing now is not cutting it. when you think you've learned an extremely important lesson in your life, and you realize what you did and feel accomplished for learning something from it, you get hit by another lesson, one just as bad that sort of teaches you that you're never going to live a life without problems or complications. and recently i've been dealing with these problems the wrong way, with momentary escapes from these situations that i know aren't going to fix anything. i'm realizing this now, not for the first time, or even the second. i've realized this over and over again, and i can't seem to understand what i'm doing, until now. it's hard to admit that you're feeling weak or feeling low, the point where you just want everything to pause. but i admit it, i've been feeling pretty low, putting up the front of all fronts for the longest time. i just need a break, from everything. i live my life the way i want to live it, and i watch myself, evaluate what i do and see how i'm doing. i always told myself that if i see myself falling, if i see that what i'm doing isn't right something needs to change, and i've come to realize that maybe it's time for me to change. but to what? who knows. just change. i need to take care of a lot of stuff, with friendships especially, fixing them or cutting them completely off. it's all that negative shit that's bringing me down and i really don't need that right now. i admit i have my faults in that, and i'm sorry. that's all i can say. so with that said, i'm gonna do what i have to do without the fronting, just all real shit. let's try it, and see what lessons this path will teach me.

-leonard.

back on track

finally, finally, FINALLY. i feel normal again. its been a freakin crazy, restless 3 weeks since school started again, and i think i fiiiiiiinally am getting used to everything, i think. well since the start of this week i've been doing pretty good on sleep, and work isnt' too bad except for monday when i called in sick, but since that day i've been feeling really good, no longer sleep deprived or overworked feeling =) like today i even went to the gym! hahahaha working on these boobs again, AND i actually have time to do shit that i need to do instead of taking a nap cause i would be too tired to function or do anything. i knew it was gonna be a rough time getting used to my schedule, but i told yah, i'm doing pretty good with it now.

so update since this weekend, nothing really much. wait nevermined, kinda a lot of stuff haha. on friday went to the crab feed where me, rodney, tim, prado, jessi, her sister, and her mom gave justin and marcus a hard time hahaha well, justin mostly cause idk where the hell marcus would disappear to. we ate hella crab and gave our NEWB server an $18 dollar tip i think, which is a super good tip considering the newbieness of his serving skills was hahaha jk justin. thanks for serving us! after that went home and got some sleep sleep. next morning went with brittanie<3 to the comp in amador valley. got there pretty early so went to this cute little cafe where we talked about our crushes =DDDD fucking brittanie hahahaha i love you. anywhooo, went to the school after for the comp. watched drumline warm up, perform, then waited till the guard went on. the shows were cool. for drumline we still got alot to work on, and the guard's so far is pretty sick. it's still reaaaaally early in the season so it's too early to really judge how everything is going. sometime during that night had a looooooong walk with jason, nick and bernie, gahhhhh. you guys are stupid, but i love you little shits nevertheless. walked back to the comp and watched the rest of the guards. the other guards were sick. i think logan stole the show, crrrrrrrrrazy shit in there. after that went with justin and glenn to get audrey, then went off to chico's partayyyyy. long story short, got f'd up, blah blah blah, the end. next morning had choir where reah had her debut singing the response song. amazing, as always. i really like choir, like really. it gives me an opportunity to practice singing since i wasn't able to take that voice class again this semester. its cool though, all the aunties and uncles are super sick with it hahahha and oh yeah, reahs cool too =) next day, school, which was monday. did a lab. next day, school then went to bethels practice, then choir practice. today, NO SCHOOL yes =) went to the gym, took a nap, then work later at matsuris at 430.

so as you can see, i'm STILL busy, but hey i'm starting to get used to this. i even have time to blog about this crap! some things coming up, school, work, rodriguez comp (maybe), valentines day )=), church, benta's birthday thangg maybe after work, and whatever happens in between all of that. oh yeahh, maybe club on friday, idk yet though. but shooooot, 4 day weekend. you know what that means =D SLEEP TIME!

over and out.

shit happens.

its a scary thought knowing what people are capable of doing, both good and bad. not just good and bad things, i think that's an understatement - from horrible to great things. and this isn't something that happens to just some people, i'm pretty sure everyone in the entire universe has realized this in one point in their lives, some to a degree more than others, that people can do some pretty fucked up things, and of course people are capable of doing the greatest things in life, and i'm one of them, just like you're one of them too. we've all made mistakes and learned from them, that's life. it's no use beating yourself up over the stupid shit you've done, just as long as you've taken something from them, and that you TRY to change from what happened. the change may not happen as quickly as you want it to, or you might even do the same shit again sometime in the future, but the point is that you know what you did and you're taking action for it, whether it's the right action or another not-so-right action that'll lead you to the right answer one day. so before you judge me, or before you judge other people, think about what you've done, cause i'm pretty sure you don't have the cleanest slate out of everyone out there either, homie. i'd put money on that.

- leonard.

holy crap hole,

it's been hecka long since i last bloggededed, my bad. just didn't have time i guess? i've been super busy, FOREAL foreal. here's a quick nasty update.

so i guess i left off with reno? DUDE, shit was hella crackin i swear. definitely will be one of the highlights of this year forsure, i can bet on that. the trip up was cool, lotsa bonding time with my broski, talking about life and how we love it's craziness while em and boo snoozed in the back for the first half =P. reno itself was pretty dope, prepared for em's surpise with her cousin Leo, ate HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLA sushi at Ijji Sushi (all you can eat, bomb ass sushi for 20 bucks), then went to the telly for the surprise with more reno heads. got ripped out of our minds and walked up and down the El Dorado casino haha. next day it was snowing! we made snow angels and retarded snowman/anthill in front of Leo's house haha. check my myspace for pictures. everything was going great except the ride home >=(. to cut things short, it was an 8 hour drive back with an average of 3 mph in the mountains, we put on chains for no reason in a fucking blizzard, had some burger king, and finally got home. so aside from the way home, that weekend was the adventures of all adventures up to date, hands down. i guess the blizzard and getting stuck in the mountains for hella long made it a REAL adventure. I GUESS.

other than that weekend getaway, everything else was pretty boring. work, school. OH OH OH! i got into my bio class =D helllllllla happy that i did. i had to drop my guitar class for that though, but i'm planning on taking it next semester cus i kinda need it for my art credits. so i guess my plan for school is going pretty good! work is starting to pick up for levi's too. more hours, FINALLY. so if you've been wondering why i've been MIA, it's cause i've been at school, work, the gym, or sleeping. i feel reeeeeeeeally productive, but kinda tiring myself out. i'm sure i'll get use to things though, just have to struggle these first few weeks to get a hang of everything. let's see what else..

OH YEAHH, hella random -> small get together at my house. TOTALLY unexpected i swear haha some things led to another and yeah, people over at my house this past saturday. next day spent it with nick and other people at wardlaw, went to jasons house and played with burnie hahaha hella sick. i can't believe the people who did it ACTUALLY did it haha. it's nothing bad, really. and now, back to school and work.

so pretty much this is my whole cycle, school and work during the week, some gym time if i'm not too tired, then random shit on the weekends. nothing really planned for this week. or waiiit, crab feed on friday then bethel's first comp. i'm excited to see whats gonna happen. good luck you guys!

so there it is, the quickest and sloppiest update blog i think i can ever do. things to do this week though as far as stuff for me:

1. read hecka crap for my classes
2. get my FIRST speech for speech class on friday, eeeeeek!
3. crab feed
4. comp
5. practice the songs for choir on sunday
6. work + school
7. visit/chill people i haven't seen for a while =/ ya'll know who you are.

so much to do, so little time. just gotta learn how to manage my time so everyone get's a piece of leonard =) there it is, updated.

shabooopy.