this one's for you,

just so you know.
why are you still here? what the fuck.

no matter how much i try to get you out of my mind and my feelings, out of my ENTIRE being, there is always that tiny little speck in the back of my head where you stay posted, what the fuck.

its weird. no scratch that, its a freaking FREAK SHOW, seriously. it's like, you shouldn't be here anymore, it's over. i'm over it, you're over it, the whole world is over it. BUT i guess even with our own lives playing it's own show and the different paths we're taking, it's come to my realization that... i don't think you'll ever disappear, which strangely enough i'm happy knowing that, yet hopeful that you would just vanish off the face of the earth, all at the same time.

you tear me apart towards good and bad, happy and sad, love and hate, SO BASICALLY to the extremes of both sides of the spectrum. i think that's the reason why you've left a mark so deep cause i learned all this shit, the good and the bad of both worlds. you make me the happiest person at one time, but make me wanna strangle you the next. it's been like that, ever since the very beginning, and even now it's still the same.

it doesn't phase as much anymore. in fact, i don't think it bothers me at all. it's just the thought that remains about us that seems to stick with me and comes up in my mind from time to time, once in a blue moon i guess you can say. just the thought of everything you know? it's awkward, definitely, but i don't think i'd want it any other way.

so this is to you, my thoughts about you, dedicated for you - i just had to put it out there. no matter where we end up i have a feeling that you'll always be somewhere in my mind, probably the last nerve in the very VERY back, but there nonetheless. its good to know that, cause i think you deserve to be a part of me no matter what i say to you or to other people about you, or the shit we put each other through, cause i feel that i owe that to you. so, with that said, i love and hate with all my heart and guts, forever and ever.

thanks <3